Is your communication obsolete?

"Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it." --Robert Frost

Do you know your communication style?

The DISC assessment, based upon the theory of psychologist William Marston, and developed into a behavioral management tool by Walter Clarke, measures our style of relating to others, which directly effects how we communicate. Of the four styles, which do you lean toward as you communicate with others?

1-DOMINANCE.  These communicators provide direct answers and tend to be brief, and to the point. They ask "what" questions instead of "why" or "how" and stress logical benefits using factual information. They can tend to be blunt and demanding at times, and may seem to lack empathy or basic social skills. You won't find these folks spending too much time with chit chat.

2-INFLUENCE. Those who communicate with this interactive style are relaxed and sociable, and enjoy verbalizing their ideas, thoughts, and feelings. They enjoy social activities and will bore quickly if you dive into the details. Their communication is inclusive and motivational. They like the limelight, and will quickly shut down if others attempt to persuade or influence them.

3-STEADINESS. Those who communicate in this style are agreeable, cooperative, and value knowing their individual role within a team setting. They show appreciation with their words and focus on the "how" and "why". They tend to enjoy sincerity and a friendly, approachable manner of speaking. They may have difficulty prioritizing their ideas as they can be people-pleasers, but respond well to clearly defined goals and objectives, and thrive when assured follow-up and support.

4-COMPLIANCE. These communicators value accuracy and like to skip the socializing piece. They thrive on the specifics: precise expectations and uniform standards. They'll provide you with the straight-up pros and cons, support their ideas with accurate data, and communicate in a systematic and focused manner. They may resist vague or general information and you may find them double-checking everything you say or do.

Knowing yourself and your inclinations are a good first step in improving your communication. And understanding the communication style of others can help you better work as a team player and support them in becoming their best self as you learn to communicate in a way that enables their natural tendencies. But though each of these four styles can be effective, they also can become obsolete -- depending on your behaviors.

The question to ask is not which style do I utilize, but "How well does my style enable me to listen deeply and send clear, convincing messages to those I'm communicating with?"

Here are some indicators that your way of communicating may need some updating:

• You talk more than you listen in conversations with colleagues or loved ones
• You fail to hear what others say, even though you thought you were listening
• You catch yourself interrupting often
• You don't connect well with others and struggle to establish rapport
• You judge the 'why' behind what others say before finding out their true motivations
• You rarely ask for others' opinions or insights
• You fail to make eye contact or give non-verbal feedback when someone else is talking
• Threats and emotional outbursts are a mainstay of communicating for you
• You sometimes lack tact and diplomacy
• You can come across dogmatic when expressing your own ideas
• You refuse to let others change your opinion -- even if you realize they may be right
• You ask very few questions in conversations
• No matter your style of relating and communicating with others, these negative attributes are behaviors -- and behaviors can be changed.

"Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life." -- Brian Tracy

If you find you're at a place where your way of communicating needs some updating, try some of these on for size:

• Learn what an open-ended question is, and start using them in every conversation
• Become a good listener. Make eye contact, tune in to what is being said, and ask questions for clarification.
• Stop thinking about what you're going to say next so you can focus on the person who is talking
• Use positive body language like smiling, uncrossed arms, and nodding where appropriate to welcome others' ideas and input
• Hold back your judgments if you don't agree and seek to understand the why behind what they are saying
• Practice speaking your words with clear enunciation and well-thought-out ideas if needed to ensure accurate delivery
• Express gratitude and appreciation often; validate what the other person is saying
• Match your emotions to the situation and refrain from outbursts of negative expressions of feelings
• Be patient when others speak and give them the time they need to express their thoughts. Try not to finish their sentences or sum up their words before they are done speaking.
• Fill in the blank: What is one additional behavior you can try this week to improve your communication skills? ___________________________________________

Now get out there and practice, practice, practice!

"Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people." --Jim Rohn