The trouble with being too busy

I posted a picture of myself a few weeks ago relaxing at the pool on my lunch hour. I had to laugh at the comments that came in:  

“Must be nice.” 

“Work much?” 

“You must never need a vacation!”

“Some of us have the life!”

First of all, I had already worked about 55 hours that week by mid week and it was my lunch break. I don’t know about you, but though I often work right through the lunch hour, once in a great while, when possible, it is nice to take a break for a few minutes and relax. Eat lunch. Talk to a friend...and yes, even lay by the pool. Yet it’s almost as if taking a lunch break isn’t acceptable in our professional world, especially if it truly involves ‘breaking’ and not ‘still working’. Productive, results-oriented people don’t take lunch breaks, right?

Over the years I have gotten to know me and, despite its unpopularity, have learned that if I don’t spend some time outside each day relaxing or enjoying the moment, I tend to get tense, stressed, and negative. This directly affects my productivity, ability to stay positive, and how I interact with others. For me, taking a short break actually makes me more productive during the work day.

“We all have one life to live, but if we are too busy to notice the world revolving around us, then we are not living.” -- Rex Wilson

Are you really living?

Keep count one day of how many times you hear the response “Busy!” when you ask how others are doing. Our typical conversations consist of, “Hey, what’s going on? Too much, I’m crazy busy!” or “Do you want to meet this week for coffee? Would love to—but I have too much on my plate—maybe next week?!” Being overly busy has become our norm, but the downside is that it limits our ability to tune into our emotions and how we're feeling in the moment, which in turn affects our ability to respond well. Busy may be the standard – but how emotionally intelligent is it?

“It’s in the quiet that our best ideas occur to us. Don’t make the mistake of believing that by a frantic kind of dashing around you are being your most effective and efficient self.  Don’t assume that you’re wasting time when you take time out for thought.” – Napoleon Hill & Clement Stone

Music to my ears. Maybe my pool time is not wasted time after all.

Emotional self-awareness is a vital component of emotional intelligence. It's the ability to be aware of your own gut instincts and react appropriately to them. It’s being able to use your feelings as a valuable source of information to guide your decisions throughout the day. 

Why is it so vital?  

First of all, our inability (or refusal) to listen to our emotions can have many negative physical effects on our bodies. If you’re experiencing chronic headaches, lower back pain, neck or shoulder pain, and anxiety, these may be signals that your emotions are trying to tell you something.  

Secondly, if we aren’t aware of how we’re feeling, then we can’t manage our behavior, and if we don’t manage our behavior, we’re going to blow up important relationships by acting impulsively. Author and psychologist Daniel Goleman says this,

“If you are tuned out of your own emotions, you will be poor at reading them in others.” 

The social side-effects of not being emotionally-aware are irritability, treating others abrasively, and impatience. Think back on the last time you were, say, really exhausted. Did you like how you reacted to those around you that week? Most of us are too busy to even stop and reflect on how we’re feeling in the moment, which leaves many in react mode instead of act mode. It’s difficult to lead and work well with others when we can’t read how they are feeling at a given moment, let alone be aware of our own emotions.  

Finally, when we tune out our emotions, we may begin to fail to notice when our day-to-day actions are not aligned with our vision and values and find ourselves way off course.

Are you too busy?  Take this short, simple online quiz to find out:    http://www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/story.php?title=are-you-just-too-busy 

"People are clearly coming around to the idea of taking breaks and even 'doing nothing' in order to lead a healthier lifestyle," –Liz Pryor, author & speaker

In an article entitled The Importance of Emotions, the author says this:  “In order to take good care of ourselves it is important that we know what are needs are. Our emotions help us to know what are needs are through what we feel. If you feel anger you know that you have to solve a problem with a situation or a person and that you must change your behavior. When you respect your needs you feel happy.” 

Emotions help us stay aware of our needs, and the needs of others.

So how do we began to be more emotionally self-aware?

• Slow down so you can begin to listen to your inner voice.  It normally doesn’t shout loudly so if you don’t tune in you may not hear it. It will always take a back seat to a frantic lifestyle, and if you don’t stop and listen closely you will miss its song.
• Carve out some time each day for relaxation, meditation, and leisure.  I know, you’re too busy. We all are. But start with just a few minutes each day to do something that is non-work related that brings you enjoyment.
• Take notes. Get in the habit from time to time of jotting down how you are feeling – and why. You can keep a simple journal to record your range of emotions and the intensity of each emotion. If you prefer to track your emotions on your phone, there are many apps available to help:  http://appcrawlr.com/ios-apps/best-apps-mood-chart

 Because our emotions are essential in providing valuable insights and information about ourselves, others, and the situations going on around us, can we really afford to tune them out any longer?

The more adept we are at discerning what is shaping our moods and mental well-being, the more able we are to manage our behavior. The results? Greater productivity, effectiveness, confidence, and a feeling of being in control of our lives. Recognition alone can diffuse (or heighten) an emotional reaction. As you learn to know and understand your own emotions, you’ll also begin to be able to understand what drives the actions of those around you, improving relationships and connections.

Finding your decompression chamber

Each morning I  walk about a mile from the train station to get to my office. At the end of the day I make the same trek in reverse. Colleagues who hear that I ‘have’ to walk so far each day offer their condolences. My kindhearted coworkers regularly offer me a ride, especially when the wind is whipping up or the rain is pounding down. I often decline.

What they don’t realize is that the walk is one of my favorite parts of the day. I climb steep steps, cross a footbridge above the freeway, meander along neighborhood sidewalks, and take a short jaunt through my ‘woods’, a clump of mature trees that casts a shady retreat for the green grass below,  a distinct contrast to the concrete jungle that surrounds  it. This daily walk has become my decompression chamber of sorts…that place in between the stressors of life where I feel no stress. Something about moving my legs, breathing in fresh air, and being out in nature, though only for a brief 15 minutes, relieves my worries and cares that have built up either on the morning commute or during the work day.

We often think of stress as the troublesome things that happen to us and around us, the tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. But in actuality, stress is internal. It is our somatic response to external events that are perceived as taxing. From the website http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20046037 we learn this: “When you encounter a perceived threat — a large dog barks at you during your morning walk, for instance — your hypothalamus, a tiny region at the base of your brain, sets off an alarm system in your body. Through a combination of nerve and hormonal signals, this system prompts your adrenal glands, located atop your kidneys, to release a surge of hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol.”  Wayne Dyer, philosopher, author and speaker, aptly states it this way:

“The truth is that there is no actual stress or anxiety in the world; it’s your thoughts that create these false beliefs. You can’t package stress, touch it, or see it. There are only people engaged in stressful thinking.”

That being said, how does your ‘stressful thinking’ appear in your day to day life? Maybe it shows up as moodiness or anxiety. Other signs may include dry mouth, nervous laughter, inability to think clearly, tears, impulsive behavior, headaches, fatigue, tense muscles, to name a few . We’ve all experienced one or many of these on occasion. Maybe for you it’s every day – or every hour of every day. Though normal under trying circumstances, these behaviors can be self-defeating and can lead to much more serious symptoms if left unattended. When stressors and their symptoms are ever-present, our “fight or flight’ reaction stays in “on” mode. Over a prolonged period of time, this creates an overexposure to stress hormones that can throw most all of our body's processes out of whack, and puts us at risk for health issues such as anxiety, digestive problems, headaches, depression, heart disease, weight gain, sleep problems, and concentration impairment. 

Not only can poorly managed stress contribute to health problems, it can elicit other unhealthy behaviors like excessive eating or drinking, criticism toward others, negativity, and procrastination. Think back on the last time you felt a high degree of stress. Did this affect your outlook on life in general and/or influence the way you treated others?

Situations that cause us to feel stress are a part of everyday life and they’re probably not going away any time soon.  But there are coping mechanisms we can develop to navigate them when they do occur. Those who have developed this emotional intelligence competency of stress management can sense early on when they are experiencing rising agitation, and can maintain composure to minimize hostile reactions. They have learned to not sweat the small stuff and have developed a high tolerance for frustration. It’s not that they don’t feel frustrated, or enjoy being frustrated—they just have learned to stomach it in a manner that doesn’t cause upset. Good stress managers know when to push for what they want and when to back off. They have learned to make choices that have a positive effect versus ones that drag them down.

If the way you typically respond to difficult situations is not working that well for you, it’s time to make a shift.  How? The simple answer is this:

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” –William James.

Nicely put but difficult to do.

So how do we begin to choose a different set of thoughts?

First of all, learn to recognize what you are feeling, in the moment. Take note of the symptoms that you are experiencing most often. What sort of situations trigger these emotions and reactions?  Is there a different way to deal with the stressful situations that can help you avoid some of these symptoms?

Secondly, we need a go-to toolkit of stress management techniques ready and available to pull out of our pocket when needed. Here are some ideas – which of these could work for you during your day?

• Meditation
• Deep breathing
• Take a walk/exercise
• Listening to music
• Practicing thankfulness
• Making a to-do list
• Laugh and/or make others laugh
• Take a nap or go to bed earlier that night
• Prayer
• Avoidance (take a break from the people and/or situations that cause stress)
• Visualization
• Doing something fun
• Talking to a friend
• (add in your own)

I realize not everyone may get to take a 15 minute walk to and from the train station on each side of the workday, but I hope you can take a moment to discover your own decompression chamber before the effects of continued stress take their toll.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” –Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

- See more at: http://the-iseiblog.com/finding-your-decompression-chamber/#sthash.BnkhQUv8.dpuf