When death loses its sting

In elementary/middle school of the 1970s, participating in gym class wasn't optional. You came to class dressed in your gym clothes ready for whatever the P.E. teacher had planned. Everyone cheered with delight when he brought out the colorful parachute. Everyone groaned in agony when it was time for fitness running tests. But when he announced that the game of the day was dodgeball, our faces morphed into a mosaic of mixed expressions. Some kids despised the game, some were indifferent, and some adored it.  But whether you liked it or not, there was no sitting out. Everyone had to play.

I fondly remember Circle Dodgeball. If you’ve never played, or maybe it’s been 40 years or so since you have, let me refresh your memory. Six kids were handed a firm, red, rubber ball, balls that carried a sharp sting when they came into contact with human flesh. Sometimes they left welts depending on the strength and niceness of the thrower, or if you were unfortunate enough to get hit with the little black rubber thing where the air goes in. The kids with the balls formed a makeshift circle around half of the gym floor. The rest of the students stepped inside the circle, eyes wide in anticipation for the game to begin. The goal was simple: Don’t get hit by a ball. If you get hit, you're out, game over and you join the others in circle. There were a few exceptions though when hit. If someone was lame enough to throw it at your head, you got to stay in, because, um, that’s dangerous (not that the entire game wasn't). And if you caught the ball, without dropping it, you got a free pass. But only the brave attempted that.   

The teacher blew the whistle and the balls started flying, a flurry of red whizzing into the tumble jumble of screaming, squealing adolescents in colorful shorts and t-shirts, dodging, ducking, hiding, jumping, running. Some kids were easy targets and some were impossible to hit.  And oh, and the strategies! Those with none got out immediately. Some didn't seem to even try (the girls who didn't want to mess up their hair and makeup), asking to get hit so they wouldn't have to run around. Some teamed up, back-to-back, to warn each other of incoming missiles. Some went under the radar, staying out of the action off to the side hoping to go undetected. Some tried hard for a while then got tired and quit. Some gallantly ran around, cocky and taunting, moving close to the throwers then quickly pulling back. And then there were one or two, usually the popular ones for some reason, who adeptly and athletically swerved and swayed, defiantly dodging the balls as they boldly reached out to make the catch.

It was a rough game. Some kids cried. Some laughed. Some sulked. And some just got mad. But one by one, as the balls flew through the air, the players were taken out, and the hoard in the middle grew smaller as the circle around them grew bigger. In the end, no matter how brave, how talented, how athletic, how fit, how agile, (or how popular), all had the same fate. Sure, some stayed in longer than others, but in the end, it really didn’t matter how the game was played, because every last kid got out.

And that was the game. After class, the plays were relived in the locker room as we changed out of our gym clothes. Stories about Kevin's crazy jump, or how Dwayne threw it so hard, or how Susie stayed in so long. And then it was on to the next class. The welts wilted, the stinging subsided, and the hurts and pains and triumphs of the game faded as we focused on retrieving our Social Studies homework from our Trapper Keepers.

This week many of us were disturbed by the news that two of our college classmates had died, suddenly and speedily with no fair warning. Not that there's ever a fair warning. Now, I know death is part of life. We all know that, but when it happens we’re just rarely ready for it.  No matter the age, or the circumstances, or the reason or [lack of] rhyme, death just always feels wrong. I don't even understand it really. I mean, lots of things end in this life, but not really. The day ends, but we have tomorrow. The meal ends, but we have dessert. Winter ends but spring comes. Relationships end but we make new friends. Jobs end but we find a new one or collect unemployment. But death...life ends and is no longer and we really don't know what's next. Oh, yes, I know some of you know that you know what you know that you know, and that is your faith. I too have a very strong belief in an afterlife, a heaven, or hell, but really, I have to admit that I don’t know for sure. I know what I want to believe. But I’ve not been there and done that yet, so really, I just don’t know.

I woke up thinking this morning about dodgeball. I don't know why, but it was on my mind. And death. And life. And how we all get thrown in the game without much of a choice. We are birthed into this world and the balls start flying. Some of us are able to dodge those first few balls but not all. Some little one's lives end almost as soon as they've begun. And it doesn’t make any sense at all. Others hang in there for a while but out of the blue get hit, way too early in the game, and leave us troubled to our core. Some try to avoid hits by lurking in the shadows of life, thinking that if they avoid really living they’ll be safe. For them we have pity. Some get weary and give up on their own. These make us so very sad. Some team up with others, then one gets hit while the other remain. That one’s tough.We feel great loss for the one hit and empathy for the one left. Some get nailed in the head, and somehow survive, and come out stronger than before. They inspire us. Some get hit hard but they manage to catch the ball in mid-air and end up surviving the blow, scoring a second chance.They give us hope. Then there's the ones with the uncanny knack for diving, twisting, athletically dodging all the balls that life throws at them. These we envy. 

Some seem to hate the game. Fear, discouragement, and weariness set in. We get tired. Why do we have to keep dodging all these damn red balls? It’s not supposed to be this way. Others become indifferent, or so it seems, with emotions shut off as they simply survive. I don’t care.What can I do about it?  Life sucks and there’s not much I can do to change it. And then there are those who seem to thrive in the game, either breezing through life and never getting hit or having figured out how to enjoy the game of life immensely, no matter how many near misses they experience. That was tough, but, wow, what a rush. I’m alive! 

But no matter how we navigate this thing called life, in the end, we all eventually get hit and we’re out of the game. Death comes to us all. It doesn’t matter how smart we are, how talented we are, how resilient we are, how healthy we are, how lucky we are, we’ll eventually feel the sting. We can spend our entire lives judging each other on how we “should” play the game, but why? Sure, the enjoyment of the game may be affected by our choices, but when it's over...we all end back up in the circle.

And then what? That’s where it gets hazy. Because none of us have ever finished the game and lived to survive it. In gym class, there’s always that next game. Next time, I’m going to move quicker. Next time, I’m going to jump higher. Next time, I’m using Bobby as a shield. But this isn’t Circle Dodgeball. I don’t believe in reincarnation, so I don’t believe we get a second chance to play this human life game again. But I also don’t think this is the end-end. This particular game will come to a close, yes, but then…well, honestly, I don’t know. But I'd like to think we’ll all end up together, somehow, somewhere, in the circle, and we'll talk and laugh and cry and share as we reflect on the game, and how it was played. What went well, what went wrong. What was hard and what was fun. We’ll remember how tough it was at times, but how delightful it was at other times. There’ll be a lot of nodding and “me too’s”.  And then, when we’ve reminisced, we’ll go get changed out of our old sweaty, dirty clothes and step down the hallway toward our next class. I don’t know what that looks like. I wonder if it will be fun like playing with the parachute. I wonder if it will be boring like being timed for fitness tests. I wonder if it will be challenging like this human life is, with lots of red balls to dodge. I don’t know. But I’m comforted that maybe, just maybe, we’ll all be there together to find out.  

And with that thought, though the pain of losing loved ones way too early in the game remains, death somehow loses a bit of its sting.  

Are you a servant leader?

Baseball great Jackie Robinson once said, “A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” From the site baseballhall.org, we read this about the famed second baseman: "The impact Robinson made on Major League Baseball is one that will be forever remembered. On April 15 each season, every team in the majors celebrates Jackie Robinson Day in honor of when he truly broke the color barrier in baseball, becoming the first African-American player in the 20th century to take the field in the big leagues. He opened the door for many others and will forever be appreciated for his contribution to the game."

How often do we stop to ponder how our life is impacting others (because it is) and more importantly, what kind of impact is it having?

Traditional leadership often refers to the accumulation and use of power to accomplish one’s goals. In contrast, a servant leader shares power and focuses on helping others achieve their goals.

Reflect for a moment on the person in your life who has been the most influential in shaping you to be who you are--someone who has possibly inspired you, empowered you, and/or led you well? Do you have that person's face fixed in your mind? Now, what quality (qualities) do you most appreciate about him or her? I’m guessing it isn’t their amazing stash of wealth, their ability to dominate a meeting, or their knack for commanding everyone’s attention at any given moment.

I consulted Webster to see how he defines the word ‘servant’. Take a look at some of the specific words used in the definition (emphasis mine): servant | n. | One who serves, does services, voluntarily or on compulsion; a person employed by another for menial offices, or for labor, and is subject to his command; a person who labors or exerts himself for the benefit of another, his master or employer; a subordinate helper. 

Serves...compulsion…menial…subject to command…labors for others’ benefit…subordinate helper….when I think of leading, I have to admit these are not the words that quickly come to mind, and they honestly are not that appealing. Yet a valuable competency of social and emotional intelligence is our ability to have a service orientation. John C. Maxwell, author, speaker, and founder of an international leadership development organization designed to help leaders, says it very poignantly:  

 “True leadership must be for the benefit of the followers, not to enrich the leader.”

If that’s accurate, which I believe it is, then we need to figure out what this servant leadership thing really is.

What does it look like to be a servant leader? Leadership can take many shapes and forms, but those who naturally possess this ability to pilot others with a servant's heart tend to be:

• Good listeners. They tune into what their followers are saying (and not saying) and take action in response to what they hear.
• Available. Servant leaders carve out time in their busy schedules to spend with their team members and readily offer their time and expertise.
• Motivators. They are driven to help others succeed and know how to spur others to do so.
• Encouragers. Those with a servant heart love to speak highly of others and build them up, both one-on-one and in public.
• Satisfaction Seekers (for others). These leaders actively search for ways to increase their teams’ satisfaction and engagement levels.
• Helpers. Servant leaders actually like helping others reach their goals more than they enjoy achieving their own.
• Blame Holders. They refuse to ‘pass-the-buck’, and will take a hit for their teams if needed. 
• Overachievers. Servant leaders are willing to go above and beyond what is expected for the benefit of others.
• Forgetful. These leaders make a point to move past "wrongs" once the issue has been dealt with appropriately. They forgive quickly, and help leverage team members’ strengths instead of focus on past weaknesses.
• Anticipators. Servant leaders think ahead to foresee the needs and desires of those they lead…and act accordingly.

Servant leadership may not be your current style, but if you want to begin to develop it, be encouraged that no matter how deeply ingrained your present behaviors may be, they can be remodeled. Becoming self-aware that there is room to grow is a terrific first step. But moving from a traditional leadership style to servant leadership is easier said than done. Break this valiant mission into small steps with simple, attainable goals. For example, try focusing on just one of the above qualities for the next few weeks. Brainstorm ways you can serve your teams in that way. Write them down. Post them in a place you can see them or put them on a to-do list. Set reminders on your smart phone. Grab an accountability partner to walk alongside you. Each and every day, make an attempt to do just one kind deed for a team member. Maybe it's just looking up from your computer or phone when someone comes in to talk. Or spending an extra five minutes really listening to someone. Or taking them out to lunch. Or offering your talents to help on a project. Or making them a cup of coffee this morning.  If you’re struggling with ideas or follow through, team up with a coach to help you make the shift. 

It may feel very unnatural at first, but like with anything, the more you practice it the more serving others will come natural. And the effort will be worth it. Robert Ingersoll says it best:  “We rise by lifting others.” Transitioning to a servant leader style can and will elevate your impact as a leader. And maybe, just maybe, those you affect will someday say this about you,  "He opened the door for many others and will forever be appreciated for his contribution to the game."

“Your gifts are not about you.  Leadership is not about you. Your purpose is not about you.  A life of significance is about serving those who need your gifts, your leadership, and your purpose.” – Kevin Hall, author

A Slice of Life

IHOP at midnight is a wondrous place. 

If not for the windows you'd never know that darkness enveloped the lively, cheery eatery. Families, some eight to nine faces chatting 'round the table, little children up way past bedtime, sleepy eyes subdued but fighting to stay awake, herds of hormonal, laughing teenagers, talking loudly and ordering pancakes, the frumpy old man, scruffy and single, sitting alone sipping hot coffee, glad to be out and around people though he's spoken to no one all day, college kids singing, sobering up after a night out on the town, lovers just enjoying being lovers, kind-hearted waitresses who call us all "honey", faces weathered with lines telling tales of tears and triumphs, and me. JT crooning "You're Smiling Face" accompanied by the constant clatter of dishes, the scent of sweet, sticky artificial maple syrup, and a yellow light basking all in a warm, golden glow of comfort.

It's a delicious slice of real, down-to-earth living at its finest.

10 Easy Ways to Destroy Trust

How many times have we watched it happen? He takes a few steps backward in preparation to kick, that confident look of determination spreading across his face. This time we really want to see it. Just once. He charges forward at top speed to launch the pigskin to the other side of the field--and at the very last minute, she adeptly pulls the football away, causing him to land flat on his back in embarrassment and, I’d guess a considerable amount of pain.  If you were Charlie Brown, would you ever trust Lucy again?

Stephen M.R. Covey, in his book The Speed of Trust, says this:  “The first job of a leader—at work or at home—is to inspire trust. It’s to bring out the best in people by entrusting them with meaningful stewardships, and to create an environment in which high-trust interaction inspires creativity and possibility.” 

Trust is a competency of social and emotional intelligence that must be cultivated in order to gain the respect and following of others. Without it, our relationships fall apart because of our inability to create a safe atmosphere of dependability and reliability.  Listen to how Brian Tracy, Canadian author and speaker, puts it:

"The glue that holds all relationships together--including the relationship between the leader and the led--is trust, and trust is based on integrity."

 Trust is a component that is simply vital to our relationships with others, period. And interestingly, while it takes a long time to build trust, it takes only an instant to dismantle it.

Here are ten sure-fire ways to destroy others’ trust in you:

• Betray confidences. If you gossip and share damaging information about others, it may temporarily make you feel better about yourself, and create a temporary affinity between you and the person you're sharing with, but know that they will be thinking, “If you’re willing to talk about others behind their back, what will keep you from talking about me?"
• Blame others for your mistakes. I know, it’s difficult to say “It’s my fault” or “I messed up.” It’s so much easier to point the finger at others when things go awry. But blame-shifting won’t go without notice.  It's like a dimmer switch on respect.  
• Break your promises. There’s not much that devours trust more than not following through on what you’ll say you’ll do. Of course there are times when something comes up that you have to change your plans. But if you are consistently one who doesn’t deliver, others' trust in you will be diminished.
• Remain closed-off and never share personal matters of the heart.Obviously there is a time and place to tell all, but the lack of ability to share with appropriate self-disclosure will create a barrier between you and your teams. The “me too” mentality goes a long way in building bridges and helping others realize that you are all in this together. Without it, high walls of distrust are quickly constructed.
• Be explosive and unpredictable. Have you ever blown a tire while driving? The sudden explosion can startle even the best of drivers and make steering extremely difficult, creating strong doubt that the car is going to perform as it should. If you are constantly letting your anger cause a knee-jerk reaction that 'no one saw coming', their trust in your performance will be left behind on the side of the road like pieces of shredded, burned rubber.
• Tell little white lies, and while you’re at it, tell some whoppers, too. Not speaking truth can get you out of some sticky situations, but when the dishonesty is discovered (and these things have a way of somehow always making it to the surface), then how will people know when you are being honest and when you are not? Friedrich Neitzche, a German philosopher, said this: "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”
• Talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. I once knew an instructor who facilitated workshops on the importance of living authentically, tapping into the help of an accountability partner, but covertly hid her own dark, hurtful behaviors from even her closest friends and family. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) the issues became public, and her credibility as a speaker on the topic was lost.
• When conflict arises, turn on those close to you. Disagreements are a part of being in relationship. There are healthy ways to resolve conflict and unhealthy ways. Choosing to shut people out, quitting relationships (or being quick on the trigger to fire employees) is an easy fix—and a great way to destroy trust.  [Note there are times when boundaries need to be set with very unhealthy people in your life and relationships do need to be ended.  But if quitting is your go-to technique for resolving all conflicts, know that you are doing a good job of ruining trust].
• Always put your own best interests ahead of everyone else’s. When others don’t feel like you regard what is important to them, their engagement and excitement for your plans, visions and dreams will wane. Believe it or not, making a habit of putting others first causes them to believe in you, trusting that you really care. To keep trust levels low, be sure to never consider the needs and desires of those around you.
• Consistently treat some people better than others. It’s the old saying, ‘Watch how he treats the waiter’. If you are a respecter of persons, rolling out the red carpet for some while trampling others underfoot will breed a fair amount of disrespect and distrust.

Again, in the words of Stephen M.R. Covey,

“Above all, success in business requires two things: a winning competitive strategy, and superb organizational execution. Distrust is the enemy of both.” I submit that while high trust won’t necessarily rescue a poor strategy, low trust will almost always derail a good one.”

Integrity: Are you living out your values?

On a recent first date I met a guy who claimed he loved camping. This was a good thing to hear because I really like camping too, and go every chance I get on warm, summer Colorado weekends. He went on to tell me how passionate he was about the great outdoors, how he loved sleeping in a tent, and being in nature.  “I absolutely love camping!” he proclaimed, loud enough that I actually glanced sideways to see how many other restaurant patrons heard the good news. I then asked him when was the last time he had gone camping, and he replied, wistfully, “Oh, it’s been at least 20 years...”

There wasn’t a second date.

Now you may think that the subject of camping is a shallow one to determine dating potential upon, and I agree. That’s not the point. There is a competency of social and emotional intelligence that shows up – or doesn’t – when what we believe doesn’t match up with how we live. It’s called integrity.

Most of us think of integrity as that ability to maintain high standards of ethics at all times, someone who always able to be honest and exercise good, pure motives.  And while that definitely is an aspect of integrity, it is also the ability to live out our values in our day-to-day lives.

Most of us know what we believe in. Don't we? Try it, right now – jot down five or so things that you are passionate about. Not just interests (I’m trying to move us off the camping topic) but things you are moved by, things you would fight for, things that you would sacrifice your time and effort for. It shouldn’t take long to compile this list. (If it does, you may want to consider meeting with a coach to help you establish your core values and be able to speak to them). Once you have this list in front of you, take a moment to think on each one, and write down a moment in time when that value came into play. For example, maybe one of your values is “family” – beside that you may write, “Spent last Friday night playing board games with my kids”.  Now look at these moments – and determine, when did each most recently occur?  If you find the last time you spent time doing something you passionately believe in was months, maybe years ago, then there’s a good chance that you are not living out your life with integrity.

Don’t feel bad if that’s you.  Most of us find ourselves in places where our jobs, relationships, or extra-curricular activities don’t match up to our values.  It’s easy to end up there.  Life has its way of taking twists and turns that can lead us down a path that is far from our heart. If you’re there, know that it’s actually a good place to come to.  It’s those moments when we realize there is a miss which can spur us to make a much-needed shift in a new direction.

If you recognize that it's time to get back to actually living out your values, there are some simple (not easy, but simple!) steps you can begin to take to get back to your heart.

• Again, know what your values are. Refer to this list of common values so you can name them accurately:  List of values
• Prioritize your values. Which are most important to you? Which are must-haves and which are would-like-to-haves?
• Display your values in a visible place for a constant reminder.
• Ask yourself (and answer honestly):  Am I living out this value in my day-to-day life? If you feel you may struggle with this self-assessment, consider reaching out to a coach or taking a 360 assessment to help you become more aware of where you’re at on this one. Sometimes an outside opinion can work wonders in aiding accurate self-awareness.
• Make small shifts. If you wish to spend more quality time with your family, carve out an hour this week and do it. Let your core values become priority. Don’t allow anything else to come up that will keep you from doing it.

If someone looked at your appointment calendar, would the contents reflect who you are and what you believe in? Time is precious, and there are not many things more frustrating than feeling like we are wasting our time. How we spend it truly speaks to who we are.

Are you content with how you are living out your life?  If your day-to-day doesn’t match up with your heart, each moment spent saying yes to activities that are not your values is saying no to those very values. It takes courage and effort to make these shifts, but the treasure that comes from living a life of integrity can be rewarding—and may even get you that second date.

"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity." ~Henry David Thoreau, "Economy,"  Walden, 1854

Innovation & Creativity: Two qualities you want to possess

“I’m just not that creative.”

You’ve surely heard this phrase from team members who don’t think they are innovative. Or maybe you’ve said it yourself. There is a misnomer about  imagination and inventiveness, that they are mysterious, hidden talents reserved only for the highly gifted and accomplished sculptors, musicians, painters, and designers of the world. The truth is, we all have a degree of creativity, but we’ve buried it so deeply that it feels impossible to dredge up. Creativity and innovation are valuable competencies of social and emotional intelligence which can be of great benefit once developed.

How creative are you?  Take this fun, short quiz to find out:  http://thecreativityquiz.com/ (created by Tanner Christensen).

I once had an art professor who fit the stereotype of ‘artist’ in every shape and form. She spoke in abstracts (as in, those of us who prided ourselves in our literal mindsets would look at each other and roll our eyes when she’d launch into one of her ‘way out there’ discourses). She wore whimsical, flowing skirts and scarves and her hair was rather unkempt. When she talked, her eyes would drift off and out the window to who knows where, as if her body was present with us in the classroom but her mind was merrily wandering in a faraway land of enchantment. Being the analytical, stick-to-the-point kind of person that I am, I struggled to connect with her and stay engaged in the course. My low point was the day when she walked in and said, with a flamboyant wave of her hand, "Paint a tree." 

Paint a tree. That seemed simple enough. All the creatives in class immediately went to work, opening up their vials of linseed oil, mixing colors, and splashing paint on their canvases…and I just sat there. Paint a tree? I needed perimeters. Guidelines. Lines to color in. I raised my brush to signal her to come over. I had a plethora of questions. What kind of tree? How large? In what season? How many branches? Should it have a landscape? How many details do we add? All of which of course she refused to answer. With each inquiry she pursed her lips tighter, smiled and shook her head (which needless to say didn’t help my already-struggling attitude toward the class).

After an excruciating 15 minutes of me stewing in a near-panic attack, our instructor finally broke her silence and stated, as if to the whole class (but I know it was directed to me as I was the only one sitting motionless), “Your tree can be absolutely anything you dream of.”  In other words, let go of my limiting analytical frameworks and just create.

Creativity is the ability to open up to new ideas, perspectives, and approaches and actually try them out.  It’s thinking ‘out of the box’ and allowing yourself to pursue a new way of doing things. This quality is vital in the professional world where our clients are in constant demand for us to provide the best, the latest, the most up-to-date, and the most interesting. Without creativity we can get stuck doing things the way we always have, which in this fast-paced society, can quickly become antiquated and insignificant.

If you’re one who struggles with creative thinking, the good thing is that it can be learned. Consider these 6 L’s for starters:

• Learn to brainstorm – when a solution is being asked for, write down your first thought—and then make yourself come up with at least five other solutions.
• Lean in to your teammates – gathering ideas from others and adopting them as your own can help you begin to see unique alternatives.
• Look for the surprises in the everyday.  Tuning in to the ordinary with all of your senses can spark creative ideas.
• Let yourself ask questions, especially exploring the ‘why’s’.
• Lay out some space in your daily schedule to allow time to ponder, conceptualize and dream. We can’t be creative when we are worn out by too many demands.
• Listen to your positive emotions. Researcher say that positive emotions are more conducive to creativity than negative ones (https://hbr.org/2015/08/the-emotions-that-make-us-more-creative). Allow these feelings to guide your though processes.

There are many exercises and activities you can do to increase your ability to think creatively. Working with a coach who has been trained in social and emotional intelligence can be a terrific asset to getting your creative juices flowing.

Somehow on that fateful day in art class I was able to complete the assignment and produced a scraggly, weather-twisted tree whose branches cast a sparse canopy for the wind-blown grasses I brushed in beneath. Though it definitely was not best-in-class, it actually resembled a tree and had a touch of original imagery. And now, some 20 years later, I rely on my creativity when tackling projects of all types. My ability to generate fresh ideas with a good degree of resourcefulness has become one of my strong points.

Just don’t ask me to paint another tree.

Navigating the challenge of change

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I like change.

At least I say I do.

But when a shift in circumstances actually occurs, especially if it falls into the ‘major life change’ category (events affecting health, job, and personal relationships), I notice the tone in my “change is good!” statement is tinged with a touch of that sneaky joy-killer we call fear. Though I feel excitement for new opportunities that lie on the horizon, I have to admit I first play out all of the worst-case scenarios. I feel a general sense of dread. I procrastinate. I begin waking up at the haunting hour of 2 a.m., heart pounding, thoughts swirling with all of the ‘what if’s’.  I suddenly get all nostalgic about how good things were the way they were. And worst of all, I shut down socially and go into what I call Ultra-Planner Mode, attempting to work out every detail of every possible storyline of every possible situation that could possibly unfold. It’s a fear of the unknown. And a lot of us have it.

I love this quote by C.S. Lewis:

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad."

Having the ability to catalyze change is a competency of emotional intelligence, and is valuable as we lead and contribute to the success of our teams. How are you doing at initiating, managing and dealing with change? 

Here are some indicators that your ability to catalyze and roll with change could use a little nurturing.  You:

• Tend to put your ‘head in the sand’ and refuse to recognize the need for a shift
• Fill your time with distractions vs. dealing with necessary actions
• Find yourself saying, often, “...but it’s the way we do things around here...”
• Tend to reminisce about the 'good ole' days' more than you look ahead with anticipation
• Resist thinking about the future and planning for it
• Allow negativity about impending change to take root before it even happens

As a leader, the ability to clearly communicate change has a great impact on how your team reacts and responds to the change. It’s helpful up front to establish a guiding coalition to confirm that the change is in line with the vision and mission of your company. Be sure to address when the change will take place and how the change will impact those involved. Be concise in explaining how things have been and how you see they could be better. Attempt to deliver a message of the positive effects this shift will have on your team, company, etc.  Generate and celebrate short-term wins as the changes take place. Empower action in your teammates to be a part of making the change happen.

If you find yourself struggling with either leading change or adjusting to one that has been dealt to you, it’s OK. Most of us grapple with the sharp turns our lives can take, especially if we were not expecting it. But there’s no reason to stay in a place of fear, or negativity, both of which can breed an inability to move forward. Here are some suggestions to help not only survive but thrive a change:

1. Do your research. Make an effort to truly understand the why’s behind the shift and not run with your preconceived (often negative) perspectives.
2. Break up the hurdles that seem impassible into small, manageable tasks. Write them down and set time frames on completing them.
3. Voice any concerns you may have with a safe person (close friend, coach or counselor). Sometimes just talking it through can give you a fresh outlook.
4. Take action, even if it is just one small step. Doing something alleviates the fear of the unknown.
5. Remind yourself of the overused yet true cliché: change is good. It can give you a much-needed fresh breath of air, and present new and exciting prospects if you let it.

Here are two good books on the topic if you want to deepen your ability to catalyze change:  Leading Change and The Heart of Change, both by John P. Kotter.