shopping shutdown

i wanted some ideas for "living creatively in small spaces" so forced myself to go to ikea. oh my. i suffered from a almost-fatal case of claustrophobia, shoppingphobia, suburbiaphobia, screamingchildphobia, havingtoomuchstuffphobia, and ihavenolifephobia, and saw a LOT of really bored men, shuffling slowly with shut-down, blank looks on their faces, while their wives/girlfriends energetically talked and pointed and took pictures and asked them, "which do you like better, honey, this one or that one?" the guy in the lamp section pointed and she said, "THAT one?! are you sure?!" to which he just stared at the ground. another couple was arguing in the baby room section and a third guy, in the curtains section shrugged at the question and got the "what does THAT mean?!" the guy in the bedding area was just silent when asked and she quickly said, "what's wrong?! is something wrong?!" i had a mix of the giggles and near-panic attack. i feared i would be stuck in that maze forever until i finally found the entrance and got out of there! NOT how i want to spend my precious weekend time. but i did get some good ideas...

stuff

stuff. somewhere in life we are told to grab it, get it, gather it. so i dutifully obeyed. by the time i was 30 i lived in my big dreamhome in the mountains and oh was it full of stuff. but oddly enough...the stuff didn't bring happiness, contentment, peace or joy. it just left us wanting for more. so we built more rooms onto our dreamhouse, then filled those new rooms with more stuff. then we got divorced (leaving out just a few details there :)). now this weekend i'm moving into a one bedroom apartment with my daughters, and to do this we need to get rid of more of the stuff i've spent my lifetime grabbing. and oddly enough, this feels really good. it doesn't make any sense and it goes against everything society tells us (seriously, where can you find that it's cool for a 40-something to live in a tiny apartment in the 'success' books?!) but oh my. i feel so happy. and content. and peaceful. and joyful. and i think it has a lot to do with saying goodbye to...the stuff.

Real Beauty

I drive a dark green, older-model Saturn named Darla. Though she is definitely not eye candy, and is beginning to show her age, she is a reliable girl and gets us where we need to go. Last night upon spotting her in the parking lot, I was tenderly surprised at how sleek and shiny she looked waiting there in the soft light of the overhead street lamp. Because her chassis is a common one, I quickly glanced at the license plate noting the "VXB" then immediately felt a pang of guilt hoping she didn't notice that just for an instance I doubted her beauty. With a wave of pride I thought, "Dang, I do drive a pretty good looking car!" and inserted my key into her door--only to find it wouldn't turn. I pulled back in alarm and sheepishly looked up, only to see Darla sitting a few cars over, graciously adorned with her dents and scratches, patiently waiting for me to get over myself and climb in so she could take me home.