Toothless Wonders

I have realized that most things I've been judgmental of others on have come around and landed on my own shoulders, without doubt to teach me to not judge until I've walked in those shoes. And embarrassingly, I've been judgmental on a LOT of things over the years. Divorce--financial loss--unemployment--singleness--gaining weight--wayward teenagers--cult followers--renting--not having a car--not having a nice car--to mention a few. You name it, I've judged it. And without fail I've gotten the privilege to experience each and every one firsthand. And then, I don't judge it any more.

But just when I think I'm all judged out, another one rears its ugly head. My latest has been toothlessness. I see a lot of toothless people on my bus each day. Why, I've wondered, would people not just get that tooth replaced? Why would you ever leave a gaping hole where a tooth was?  Until this morning when I learned that getting a 'new' tooth will cost around $5k.

So I am joining the world of toothless wonders today. And, after a few short moments in the dentist chair, learned not to judge toothless people anymore. I know, it would've been easier to just not judge anyone on anything in the first place, but I seem to be a slow learner!

Capturing Unicorns

Capturing Unicorns

I just read yet another disparaging article on the pitfalls of social media and its inaccurate representation of our real lives. "Everyone's marriages aren't that perfect, their kids aren't that well-behaved, and they don't look that good. It's not real and is creating a fantasy of what people think life 'should' be."

To coin an intelligent, introspective word made popular in my high school of the '80's: "Duh".

We all know how mundane our day-to-day lives can be. Do we really need a reminder of that? Just look around you at this very moment and my guess is you're probably not in a picture-perfect setting.(OK, some of you actually are, I saw your FB post this morning). I have wadded up tissues at my feet and tangled blankets I wrestled with through the night, fuzzy hair and tired, sleepy eyes. I'm wearing the same plaid shirt I've worn every day this week. I am not at a beach, I'm not watching an amazing sunrise, and I'm not at my favorite concert being held close by my sweetheart. You? We know what real life is like.

We argue with our loved ones and get frustrated at our jobs. We look into the mirror and see "old and fat". We eat leftovers that aren't picture-perfect and let our houses get messy. Our kids actually don't get along sometimes. We don't travel most weekends, we don't receive bouquets of roses most days, and our hubbys really don't get up and fix us an amazing breakfast most mornings. Who doesn't get that? And who wants to see pictures highlighting these delights?

Is it so wrong that our eyes are drawn to beauty, our ears are drawn to music, our hearts are drawn to adventure and love? It's the way we're wired. We go to the park to see the pretty lake, not the trash strewn along the path. We go to the ocean to see turquoise blue waves and hear their roar, not to stare at the car-lined streets with horns honking behind them. Someone recently commented, "but you just get up and look out your window and see gorgeous views." And you know, I do. But to see them, I have to go out on my deck, lean over the railing, block out the two tall buildings across from me and focus on the tiny ten-foot space between them, above the cars and the wires, where on some mornings the sun's rays peek through in an amazing array of colors. Thank God for zoom lenses on smartphones!

It's these glimpses, these whispers of beauty, music, adventure and love that give us hope--that keep us going--and let us dream amidst the reality of life. If you've learned to notice these unicorns, these fleeting, fairy-tale-like appearances and capture them on film, and in words, you have learned the valuable gift of realistic optimism. It's a competency of emotional intelligence and a skill that many don't ever learn to grasp. Having a positive outlook is a trait that will enable us to surmount our struggles, be resilient, and experience a truly joy-filled existence. Sounds like a Facebook post, doesn't it? But it's true.

We know you are not perfect. We realize how many selfie shots you deleted before you snapped that perfect one. But oh, how lovely that one is! Celebrate the magical moments and plaster them all over social media so those of us in the more likely bland, blah place can enjoy them with you. We get it: your life is not always that great. But in that moment of your ocean view or your mountaintop hike or being wrapped in your lover's arms, it is. Thanks for sharing it with me.